Lost...

It's been a little while, not as long as some of my absences, but a while non-the-less.  Has life ever flipped upside, inside out and I'm beginning to think I've floated up the creek and lost my paddles.  The only thing is, all I see are rapids ahead, not calm, clear water.
It all began to go wrong at the end of April when my husband was laid off along with 150 co-workers.  Not even laid off really, he was a part of the company restructure, and not the good part.  As hard as that was to swallow, we'll be okay.  My husband is a smart man, very talented, we will do what we have to do, go where we have to go.  I support him 100%, to infinity and beyond...haha (had to lighten it up a bit).  So, as if that wasn't enough to swallow in one day, I get news of my Father being given the big "C" diagnosis earlier that day.  Now my world is very quickly coming down around me, VERY quickly.  My poor Mom of course has to break this news to me after I tell her hubby lost his job, no easy task for her to say the least.  At that time, the outlook was good. 
This weekend, the Canadian Victoria Day weekend, hubby and I decided to go and visit my family (we live about 7 hours apart), we are past due for some fam time!  It was a great weekend!!  We went to the beach, shopping, visited my Grandmother, had some fireworks (courtesy of hubby), and got some downtime with a great friend.  Unfortunately, I can't seem to shake the depression that is now overwhelming me.
During a session of drinking some wine and "relaxing" with my Mom she informs me that the outlook for me Father...well...it's not so great after all.  Honestly, it's not shocking.  That's why it hit so hard to hear it in the first place.  He's not been in good health for a long time now.  A frail 110 pounds of flesh and bone is what I see, a shell of a man.  Treatments for his cancer, usually very optimistic, not so much for his case.  Having been a smoker for the past 50 years (yes, you've read that correctly) he has Emphysema, having been an alcoholic for the same time, his pancreas has given to mistreatment.  Moral of this?  Most likely he has 6-9 months to live.  Unless of course he gets a surgeon of low moral standard that decides to operate despite his condition.  Let's be honest, they get paid to operate.  Outlook now?  Grim.  To say the very least.
So, now sitting at home after a "fabulous" weekend away, I am devoured by self-pity.  I could curl up in a ball and cry myself to sleep, maybe I should, but I won't.  I've promised (myself) that I will take the responsibility to notify his siblings (whom he doesn't speak with) so they have their chance to see him.  I will be there for my Mom at the drop of a hat, six hours away or not.  Have I mentioned I'm an only child?  It's all me, only me, to be there for her, to be strong.  But how long can that last?  When does one crack under such circumstance?  I'd say I'm on the brink...
Time for a good night's sleep, re-fresh the senses, rest my mind and look at this in a different light in the morning.  My girls depend on me, look to me, to be there for them.  That is exactly what I plan to do!!  I will be there.  I will share with them what is going on in my mind, in their world, in their lives.  I will not hide it from them, we will love each other and help one another to over come any obstacle!
Gosh, I hope this makes sense to any person who may read it.  I needed to unleash some of my fears, uncertainty, and just get this out!

Monday again

Well it's that dreaded day again, Monday, Monday...ugh!  As if Monday isn't bad enough, it's been snowing all morning here!!  It's April 23rd and it is snowing...oh Canada, I'm not a fan of your weather right now!  Anyhow, that aside, it's not that horrible of a day!  Lots to get done, first up, laundry to fold and put away (my most dreaded chore).
The weekend was great, food choices weren't totally horrible overall (let's just not count the late night pizza on Saturday).  Exercise was present as well and felt great!  One of my favourite activities on the weekend is family Just Dance on the Wii.  It gets us all moving and everyone enjoys to shake their booty right?!  My middle girl's favourite song is "Girlfriend" by Avril Levigne because she loves to play the "pink hair girl" and pretend to play the guitar!  HA!  She's rather good at it too, especially for a not yet five year old.  Although she loves JD3 her most preferred is JD Kids and can she ever dance to that one!
On the agenda for this week, soccer sign up tomorrow night for the big girls.  They are so excited to start in late May and I really hope they enjoy it!  It should prove interesting since they have kids from the age of 4-10.  I can only assume that they will break the kids up into more age appropriate groups so the little ones don't get trampled by the big ones.  At any rate it will keep them active and help them to work as a team, maybe even make some new friends while they're at it!  THE most dreaded task of the week?  Taxes...the horrible taxes!  I didn't used to mind doing taxes, then I started a home daycare, taxes are no longer easy.  Not looking forward to this, but best get it done before it's late.
On to the laundry.... (dragging feet downstairs...)

How time flies....

Well, it's been almost a year since my last post.  So much for sticking with things!  Operation getting healthy took a back burner in life as well, or at least the exercise portion of it.  The scales tipped a little too far for my liking, not traumatizing or anything to worry about, but it doesn't mean that I like it!  So back to the drawing board again.  This time with a few more supporters, a great website to track and determination to get it right this time! 
I tried running last year, hadn't run like that in almost 15 years and it felt GREAT!!  I found a new love!  Until I woke the next morning and could barely walk.  Apparently, running nearly 5K in 34 minutes when you've not done so in that long, is not a good idea.  Who knew?!  Well, I should have!  For three weeks I dealt with seriously PAINFUL shin splints.  Haven't experienced this?  Consider yourself extremely lucky!!  Did I learn my lesson?  Oh no, not at all (can I say stubborn and glutton for punishment?).  I entered a race and did not a shred of training, guess what happened?  Yep, excruciating shin splints! It was the most frustrating thing for me.  I assumed my knees would give me problems, that my lungs wouldn't allow me to run any distance, my out of shape body would rebel in different ways.  Shin splints?  What the heck?!  I gave up on running. 
Now, seven months later, I'm ready to start training!  I will stop pouting about my weak calf muscles and work at strengthening them.  I have purchased all of the things that I need to train for a proper 5K.  Thank you Zensah for making compression sleeves (especially ones in fabulous colours to match my running shoes!!).  These will be my saving grace regarding the shin splints!  I have my arm band to pop the iPhone in for music, a HRM (heart rate monitor) watch to track calories and keep an eye on the ticker, great running shoes, hydration belt (thanks Becka), plenty of clothing to choose from depending on weather and the best running partner, our Doberman, Jude.  The only thing I have left to do is choose the right training program for me and set my schedule.  My goal?  To run the Army Run again this year.  The full 5K, no intervals, no stopping, enjoy it fully and get a great time!  After that?  Who knows.  I plan to continue running, maybe participate in more races, maybe increase the length of the races, time will tell.  For now though, it's time to do this right, time to train properly.